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THE VAULT

by Mr Diagonal

fan club exclusive
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1.
California 03:41
CALIFORNIA We are waiting for the sunrise to turn the mountain gold, on the way to California the road leads on and on and on and on... There's a city full of angels where all your dreams come true. Will we ever reach that rainbow? I don't know... There's a town called Eldorado, the lost city of gold; although it's hard to find the way, I hear it's near to Sacramento, just off the freeway... Every day in in California is a sunny day. It gets so dry that I should warn you: sometimes wildfires rage for days and paradise goes up in flames... but when it rains in California wild flowers grow...
2.
Sunset and Vine (A Fool's Paradise) A fool's paradise, living my life in a dream; everything seems to be fine... A fool's paradise, I pull the wool over my eyes, a dreamer on Sunset and Vine... A fool's paradise, hey does this chord sound ok ? No-one's listening anyway... All the people hurry by; why do I even try like a fool to make myself a name ? A fool's paradise, come down from your ivory tower ! I'll play until happy hour... then I'll get myself a beer; here's to my new career as the king of Hootenanny Lane ! A fool's paradise; but who is the fool in this game ? We are all one and the same: we all prefer to close our eyes, not to see another's pain until our paradise goes down the drain... A fool's paradise: I'm getting blisters again from playing Somewhere Over the Rainbow way too high, too many times; but one day that hit will be mine; everything will turn out fine. So I smile and dream away, until that happy day I leave my footprint on the Walk of Fame; but meanwhile... mister, could you spare a little change ?
3.
BUFFALO GRILL There's one on every corner, gee wiz it's great! All the local fauna is served up steak! I eat there every breakfast time, come rain, come shine. Ignore the warning signs: red meat's just fine! Eat your fill at the Buffalo Grill! I don't know a tougher buffalo! The United Nations banned buffalo ham on native lands; but there's a plan: A yeeha Jihad! Get your thrills at the Buffalo Grill! Free floor show: stuff a buffalo with silicone! Honey I'm home! My chromosomes moan as the grind The divine bovine! Old Macdonald had a pharm-aceutic arm of massive harm to the moo-moo karma, blue-blue moo-moo, blue-blue moo-moo... Now I'm driving my meat van all across the land of Uncle Sam, man I'm doing grand: The bison are risin'!
4.
CROWD-PLEASER I'm a Crowd-pleaser, a stripteaser, and I'm gonna bear my soul for you and you, and you and you and you, the way Crowd-pleasers do. Keep it simple, be honest : that's what people want to hear today, I'm told that that's the way to please a crowd today. White sand, blue sea: an island of broken dreams... Try to understand... Crowd-pleasers get lonely when shows are over. I suppose I mean to say, please don't go away! Birds fly, trees grow: through sorrow the river flows from your heart to mine, now time has come to raise the lighters, and wave slowly from left to right, to left to right, left, right... try not to burn your thumb! They shine through time: all those mountains we'll never climb, they rise in the mind and make your heart sing: Hallelujah! I'm here to woo ya, coz I need you on my side... you and you, and you and you and you... I'm pleasing you tonight!
5.
DOCTOR OGTOV In Black Heart Hunting lodge behind a heavy door, in communist Bulgaria, there is a scientist with a foreign brain: Doctor Ogtov is his name. Doctor Ogtov works at night designing satellites for despot states. The sky is blue tonight; like a silver spoon the moon shines bright above his room. Doctor Ogtov has a wife; her mortal remains in his prize pickle jar proudly displayed. Doctor Ogtov's traveled far across Bulgaria, by black Lada and diesel train. Tonight the street-lights turn to snow, cold feet turn to stone. The 3 secret policemen have gone home. Ogtov was hunted down in 1963, the year the Beatles released 'Please Please Me'.
6.
FRIENDS IN HIGH PLACES I got friends in high places, some familiar faces, better cover your traces, tie a few shoe laces! I know all the big spenders, all the girls in suspenders, all the fractional lenders, presidential contenders... Step through that door and there's no looking back: soon you'll have goys eating out of your hand: you can climb Everest in a little black dress, coz you're simply the best! And you just passed your A level test! It's a pleasure to meet ya, you adorable creature, gentlemen like to date ya, well that's just human nature! Yes Cinderella you'll go to the ball, dressed to the nines in a black baby doll. You'll meet a prince, make him dance all night long -and disappear in the dawn with a wave of a magical wand! I've got friends who are famous, who shall remain nameless. Though my parties are shameless, everybody is blameless... Well, well Snow White is climbing the stairs with stars in her eyes and spunk in her hair! The top of the class and the toast of the town: once you're up on a cloud there is no coming down! We're all doped to the eyeballs, serving champagne and libels: my allegiance is tribal, Mojo is my bible... Shake a hand, kiss a cheek, slap a thigh: the boys on the board and the girls on the game, a whack in the back of a black Cadillac: all these Thais look the same, I'm afraid I don't recall your name... I've got friends in high places, welcome to the oasis, have a day a the races on a regular basis! hi, I'm afraid I can't answer the phone, please leave your voice mail after the tone x 2 Honey bunny call your mummy ! etc...
7.
DOLPHINS IN THE CLYDE Dolphins in the Clyde commit suicide coz it's so bloody cold. Giant crocodiles wander down the aisles of my local Tesco. Underneath the cathedral bones, bones, bones. Pigeons levitate in the Gallowgate, lions roam Kelvingrove, and a few shabby seagulls eat cold chip rolls. It's a natural feeling, the need to get stoned every single evening off Buyer's road Shaggy buffalo in the muddy snow, dreaming of Mexico; blue rosettes at the Royal Highland Show. Here the lassies aren't lackin' testosterone. Man we love wacky backy and glucose over-dose. Nearly dinner time I feel like Frankenstein with a face full of holes; take a surgical needle and sew sew sew. I see through the glass ceiling pink flamingos. I'm so glad to be leaving Glasgow... Wouldn't it be nice if I moved to Fife out on the east coast? I'd be free as a seagull in Linlithgow.
8.
REQUIEM for a HAT It was a hat, a very special hat, bought in a shack in India: a tartan cap in a pale blue check; I knew right away it was the hat for me. Me and my hat went around the world, sunshine and rain didn't turn it grey. I wore it on stage in Tokyo and on the beach beneath the UV rays, and on my bike beneath the Scottish rain, I wore it on the plane to Israel. You shouldn't get attached to pretty things! And now my hat is gone; my head is bare beneath the autumn rain; a raincoat hood just won't do, I have lost a special part of me... I seek it everywhere, in every town I travel through... hats of every style are on display, but none of them are mine; I am resigned to hat-lessness.
9.
Ramatrinsa 03:23
RAMATRINSA You may feel a little stranger because what's happening to the ground does imply a little danger to the Lady of the Lamp... RAMATRINSA RAMATRINSA Slip into the wormhole like white rabbits down a magic pole of solid light.... When we think about the old ways: petrol vans and traffic jams, we were sardines in a tin can; now it's done with lazars. RAMATRINSA RAMATRINSA Rapid Mass Transport in Space passing through the center of the newly hollowed Earth! Here within our inner landslide, gravity is on our side. In the twinkle of a bat's eye oriental sun's rise ! RAMATRINSA RAMATRINSA We step out at twighlight, to emerge in Tokyoto in the rising sun...
10.
FAIRY TALE You'll go back to the valley you'll go back to the valley I'll go on to the mountain I'll go on to the mountain. Your bag of sweet apples no more shall I sample. In late summer shadow the mountain is dappled. We never went dancing We never went dancing. That grass has been trampled I must keep advancing. So long, Lord knows, we sowed wild oats... The passions that bind us are left behind us, all those years of love-blindness: why do we fear out own kindness? Two love birds will guide me and fly beside me on the ever-bright mountain, on you I am counting! That cold, cruel field that yields fool's gold... Two true birds, messengers of love: I will follow I will follow the doves... All those wars fought in the name of love count for nothing on the mountain above...
11.
Catalyts 03:41
CATALYSTS You're so sweet, you're so fair, it's rare to meet such rare meat. Our sun shines every night, stars burn bright by day- -light the spark in your dark green eyes, that's how diamonds crystalize! From the first to the final kiss, love is the great catalyst. We'll go to the sea, cultivate poppies; and we will open a rabbit farm and play in the ripening corn... Golden Dawns can be synthesized, alchemical suns rise; one more time we will realize: CHEMISTRY IS NOT A CRIME! So say these words now through trembling lips, the secret of the alchemists: 'All that burns bright returns to dust'; and love and lust are just a bridge across.
12.
A BLACK BOW TIE A black dinner suit, with a black bow-tie, patent leather shoes and cummerbund. We all know the rules, breach of protocol is frowned upon. We gather here tonight to observe an ancient rite... Dinner time: half a bloody ox in a pastry crust: Beef Wellington. Talk of mutual friends, property and sport and dividends. To join the winning side only one thing is required: a black bow-tie. So pass the port, to the right of course, let us raise a toast to absent friends! A legal anecdote, we'll settle out of court like gentlemen. Time to lock the door, soon the clock will chime midnight... in black bow ties, clear the dinner plates, now it's time to play a funny game. Please be on your feet, this ritual is inexplicable: hands behind your back and twang the band of elastic.... ...of your dinner pants. Tomorrow will be another day, Lord I really need a holiday! Spend some time abroad, try the New York Times crossword... ...and now sit down! Oh and by the way, did I mention there's no elephant? What did I just say? That remark was quite irrelevant. Don't try to understand the customs of the Englishman! A black bow tie, a sober dickie bow designed to dignify the jugular. Worn around the throat, it makes the older man avuncular. A flightless butterfly, the colour of the clear night sky... The coffee's cold. Candles burning low, soon be time to face the long walk home. Hope it doesn't rain; my patent leather shoes are full of holes. I find to my surprise my precious black bow tie is back-to-front again!
13.
CROWD-PLEASER I'm a crowd-pleaser, a stripteaser and I'm gonna bear my soul for you and you, and you and you and you, the way crowd-pleasers do. Keep it simple, be honest : that's what people want to hear today, I'm told that that's the way to please a crowd today White sand, blue sea : an island of broken dreams... Try to understand... crowd-pleasers get lonely when shows are over. I suppose I mean to say, please don't go away ! Birds fly, trees grow ; through sorrow the river flows from your heart to mine, now time has come to raise the lighters, and wave slowly from left to right, to left to right, left, right... try not to burn your thumb ! We shine through time : all those mountains we'll never climb, they rise in the mind and make your heart sing : Hallelujah I'm here to woo ya, coz I need you on my side... you and you, and you and you and you... to know that deep inside I'm doing something right... I'm pleasing you tonight !
14.
PASSPORT I flew above the ocean and I viewed the sunrise, I visited the orient with stars in my eyes, I've traveled to 5 continents and knew I could rely on the friction-less experience my passport provides. Passport, Passport, opening doors at each airport: parallel lines, wait for the sign... scan your passport, and now you're safe inside. My passport grants me privileges you are denied. The borders may be fictional but still they divide. Passport, Passports unite and divide. My green passport: what a surprise! access denied... Passport, passport, please open your cold blue eyes! I know that we all suffer so I try to be kind, to make every day a pilgrimage and strive to fulfill thy great design, Oh Lord above, open the fortress! Open the fortress of your mind! Passport, Passport: who on earth decides?
15.
Beneficio 04:58
BENEFICIO Here our roads end, no cash flows, van to mend, we're old souls in mobile homes. Reap as ye sow: wild oats, dream coats, no more high notes! I dry my clothes; wild rosemary grows in Beneficio! Fun times! Sunshine! Red wine! Wind chimes! Star signs! Here rainbows end, no stones roll, no to- bacco; I grow my own swollen lymph nodes, free clothes, bongo tech-no more neurons, zero lactose: so let the good times roll in Beneficio! Fun times! Sunshine! Red wine! Wind chimes! Star signs!
16.
HEDGES Hedges are green, hedges are green; I wandered into a hedge in a dream. Was I with you? Or someone new? It's hard to know when the great hedges grow up to the sky, blocking the light; hedges keep growing by day and by night... Hedges of yew*, hedges of me, hedging your bets with privet** equity 20 foot high, 7 foot wide, around every garden and every pigsty! Hedges have passed every stress test: a hedge is a marvelous way to invest! Roses are blue, violets are red: hedges can turn the whole world on its head! When I met you in fancy dress, McKinsey*** convinced me that you were the best! Looking so cute in your blue suit: hedges are terribly hard to uproot...
17.
The Long Lost Tribe of Stone Age Belgae Beyond your back garden in drab shades of tartan, under Belgian radar we raid your cheese larder. You glimpse at dawn a shadow fleeing the waking meadow, or hear a rustic fiddle upon the breeze. Late in the evening father is reading bed-time tales of Belgian Eden. *** Hid from Christian nations, your distant relations : a native foreign legion of liminal regions. We weave our walls of willow, a soft rock for a pillow, believe in armadillos and tambourines. Under a low sky play pigmy Jedi: an untouched tribe of stone-age Belgae. *** Not Asian or Caucasian, on special occasions the ladies look dreamy in doe-skin bikinis; and now all veils are shedding for a midsummer wedding, the bountiful beheading of virgin queen. Straight out of nineteen seventies Sweden: censored scenes of Belgian Eden. *** The weekend long ended, the orgy has relented. We pick nuts and forage young puff balls for porridge. Against inclement weather make suits of squirrel leather; on beds of blackbird feathers we wake from dreams, deep in a hollow where wild boar wallow, rising at midnight to drink by the starlight: tonight is fight night! *** The modern slave labours and knows not his neighbour; we love with shameless pleasure a life of royal leisure, our days are full of treasure, laughter and screams. Lost tribes get sickly and grow up too quickly... The tribe now is dozing, my eyes are closing... Magically hidden, contact forbidden: the long-lost tribe of stone-age Belgae.
18.
Booze Cruise 04:45
19.
ENGLISH HERETICS English Heretics rise at half past 6, drive for miles across Wiltshire of Sussex to admire a pile of Tudor bricks. English Heretics love black walking sticks, little village stores and the English civil war, and big castle doors. English Heretics eat dry Weetabix on the battlements they suck peppermints and snore under sycamores. English Heretics when they're low read Ivanhoe. English Heretics know back packs of 6, as their forbears did what back in 1066. I'm sure we've been here before in clogs and spectacles and frilly caps. You silly chaps! I love history and murder mysteries, foggy memories; Froggy will you marry me before I become a bore?
20.
Shotgun Wedding A beautiful day to get out of prison! A beautiful day, so glad to be living! You wait at the gate dressed in your pretty linen, queen amongst women! I served 7 years Her Majesty's pleasure, making the most of my life of leisure. You were a true guardian angel to me, you're truly a treasure! My head's feeling light, the fever is spreading, the future looks bright wherever way we're heading! No kidding babe this is the perfect setting for a shotgun wedding! The northern sky turns blue to grey but in my mind you're made of sunshine whatever the weather and my dear my true desire's to offer you so many kind of pleasure... So many ways of spending a new day! So many ways baby it makes me shiver! Head to the hills, walk in the purple heather, swim in the river, go to a rave, save a sea turtle, smoke a cigar, paint the car purple, go hug a tree, maybe go deep-sea diving or build a stone circle? When winter's knocking at the door and the whole wide world's at war and everything is broken; the deepest darkest night reveals a healing star when the heart is open... Be kind to yourself, find your own rhythm ! Grow a mustache just like David Niven ! The meaning of life is the simplest thing: loving and giving! Although we try to leave no trace the wounds of love are all part of life's beautiful adventure So let us weave with each new day that golden thread goes straight to the essential!
21.
EMILIANO Born in the summer, the 20th of May, the child we so longed for lived for 9 days; and this was his name: Emiliano... As in summer seeds are sown, in the wind we scattered ashes of the child I'll never hold... Suns will still rise in the sky, the world will still keep turning round; but there will be no cradle song. That little hand I'll never hold; the hillsides now are bathed in gold: a love that never will grow old... Suns will still rise in the sky, the world will still keep turning round; but this night will be so cold. Church bells in the valley before daybreak; down through the ages his name resonates: Emiliano... The sun will rise; a new day dawn; this river to the sea must run; and through these teardrops peace will come... Suns will still rise in the sky, the world will still keep turning round... So raise your eyes now to the hills that with distance fade to blue, and bless the boy we never knew... Suns will still rise in the sky, the world will still-keep-turning-round; for nature sings his cradle song. Search not for reasons, seek not to blame; the good Lord has given and taken away; bless then His name: Emiliano...
22.
THE URBAN HERMIT I'm the urban hermit of Tokyo I fell in love with my own shadow Didn't turn up for work one day I took a permanent holiday on bare tatami with one broken chair I don't know the last time I came downstairs with every nation I cut all relations Right in the heart of Harajaku millions of schoolgirls all dressed in blue pass by my window without a clue here lives the Shogun of Solitude in dirty kimono and filthy long hair I scare the children I'm well aware Don't waste your time writing letters to me coz I'm a hermit I'll only burn it! Every sunset and each sunrise seen through the cracks of my half-closed blinds I speak to phantoms in the wall read Murakami and watch the leaves fall Every man can step into my shoes to be a hermit you don't need a permit! You soon get used to the frugal food when you're a hermit you learn to love turnip!

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THE VAULT is mr Diagonal's secret stash of rarities, demos and rare nuggets, available only to fan club members.

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released April 8, 2021

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Mr Diagonal Brussel, Belgium

mr Diagonal (aka Dan Barbenel) is a multi-faceted musician/ songwriter at the frontiers of
pop, cabaret and theatre music.

In true diagonal fashion, he always cuts a dash and declines to cut corners.

PLEASE NOTE
I have closed my evil Paypal account.
Without which no man may buy or sell on bandcamp.

To buy stuff please email me at daniel.barbenel@gmail.com
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