mr Diagonal's Midlife Crisis

by Black Light Orchestra

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  • Compact Disc (CD)

    Comes in a sexy gatefold card case with lyrics booklet
    designed by mr Diagonal with photos by Isabelle Wuilmart.

    Includes unlimited streaming of mr Diagonal's Midlife Crisis via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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Mr Diagonal's Midlife Crisis is a groovy concept album about the male menopause to highlight some of the hidden facet of mr Diagonal's tortured soul.


released October 15, 2015

see individual tracks for lineup.



all rights reserved


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Black Light Orchestra Brussel, Belgium

"This is not a pipe" band.

Spawned from a macabre christmas pantomime in Brussels 2005, mr Diagonal and the Black Light Orchestra purvey an oddly festive kind of 'dark light music' once described as "Noel Coward on mushrooms"

An unlikely blend of of Scotch pop and Belgian cheese that recalls the best moment of Monty Python, Brecht and Weil and Divine Comedy.

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Track Name: Glad to be a Freak @ 40

Yes I know what you all will say:
he's too old to do that on stage!
But today is my birthday,
so I'll do things my way!
What I'm trying to say is:

Glad to be a freak at 40!
Glad to be the real me!
When he hit his 40s
Mozart had just hit town;
and Shakespeare was bald when
he was about 10.

I know you think that Red Rabbit's dead,
or at least not quite right in the head,
but he's still swinging!
and he's singing:

Glad to be a freak at 40!
Glad to be the real me!
Oh I'm so glad to say that I'm a freak at 40!
I'm so glad to say that I'm the real me!
Glad to be my own lawnmower!
Glad to be my own lawnmower!
Glad to be a freak at 40!
Glad to be the real me!!
Track Name: Chinguarime Blues

I climbed over a mountain and came to the sea,
and there was a free cave waiting for me.
The weather is perfect, but one thing's bothering me:

I just missed my plane home:
home is where I feel really at home...

In Chinguarime,
Chinguarime not,
Chinguarime bay,
Chinguarime blues,
macadamia days...

Life here is so simple, why don't we just stay?
One call to the office, they'll cope anyway!
And if I stay forever, who will miss me
if I never go home?
Home is where I am already home...

In Chinguarime,
Chinguarime bay,
Chinguarime blues,
What's new today?
A few falling rocks!

Far across the black horizon,
a world in love with its own destruction:
mother, is it any wonder
we take such pride in our private dungeons?

3 years have gone by now, 3 years in a cave.
No reason to worry, no reason to shave;
no reason to hurry: until I count all the stones

I can never go home,
I'll send postcards to my children back home...

from Chinguarime,
Chinguarime not,
Chinguarime bay,
the land time forgot:
what day is today

in Chinguarime?
Chinguarime not
Chinguarime blues
I've broken my shoes
macadamia nuts!

Rumours of a storm in Thailand,
yet another euro crisis,
today I'll burn my driving license,
oh my God! I've lost my lighter!!
Track Name: Prime Miister of Pop

I'm mr Diagonal, Prime Minister of Pop,`
and my Black Light Orchestra headed for the top.
Doctoring the House of Parliament with my latest spin:
I haven't seen a crowd so up-for-it
since the Bognor Regis bye-election win.

I lead the party every time I take the floor,
because that's exactly what a prime minister is for.
For all you clowns who think Westminster tragically unhip,
I lay down my bottom line when I crack my little magic party whip.

Prime Minister of Pop, mr Diagonal,
Prime Minister of Pop, mr Diagonal,
Prime Minister of Pop, mr Diagonal's top!

I'm Mr Diagonal, you'll hear my posse shout:
“let's get down in Downing street and check Chequers out!”
Morrissey and Michael Jackson, would you kindly step aside?
Possibly the Queen is dead but your prime minister is very much alive.

I'm mister Diagonal, you'll love the latest craze:
above Queen and country rock, you'll sing my songs of praise.
I am on John Major's label, I'm a hit at no.10,
I'm the MC of MPs, I'm bigger than Big Ben!
Track Name: My Midlife Crisis

My midlife crisis at 42,
I want to **** everything female that moves;
my wife has gone frumpy, grumpy and cold,
and I want rumpy-pumpy before I get old...

My teenage years were oh so dull:
I was obedient, I was so dumb;
now it's high time that I made up for lost fun!

My daughter's school-friends are turning me on,
I'm dreaming of pinafore skirts and pom-poms.
One in particular gives me the hots:
her name is Suzy, she's a real sex-pot.
So one rainy Thursday, the wife's in the bath,
I invite Suzy to walk up the path.
I put Careless Whisper on the new stereo,
turned all the lights way down low...
. . .
Because I felt guilty I went to the shrink,
I sat on his couch and told him all that I think:
“my youthful potential has gone down the drain, I've got sex on the
brain,I wanna drink pink champagne and eat bacon butties in bed with
Brazilian babes half my age, but instead I'm the slave of my dumpy old
wife, growing spinach for kicks when I wanna be scratching the
seven-year-itch with columbian chicks and binging on pick-'n'-mix”

“It's your mid-life crisis” the head-shrinker coo'd,
“I know, I'm having one too...

A mid-life crisis can be fun when you get over your dad and yourmum:
no inhibitions, you are number one!
So let's go out for some, let's both go out for some FUN!..”

We went to the strip club down by the zoo,
who on earth do you think I bumped into??
In stockings and bowler, doing her thing
with a wild metrosexual boo-boo-be-doo?

Holy moly, it's my wife!
I didn't know that you were like that!
maybe after all you are my type!!

Now we get invited to all the best shows
with our new lady companion in tow.
Her name is Isis, she comes from Chang Mai:
a sweet double Pisces with a glint in the eye.
The crisis is over, till the next one;
meanwhile be good and have fun!
Track Name: Boomerangs

Why must you hide your head in the sand?
Oh can't you be more grown-up man?
I'm only being what I am, what else can I be?

I though you knew when you met me
I was a total social case,
so why d'you think I'd settle down and run in the rat-race?

I'm much too old to be by this road,
on the hardest shoulder that I've even know...
Sat by the willows looking pretty, waiting for a maid to pass my way,
but I'm afraid no-one's home today...

Another Saturday night in town,
the kids are queuing for the club,
but I know I won't get in, not for money or love!
But hey man, that's alright with me!
I've always been a tribe of one,
it's fun to see 2 worlds collide through half-closed eyes...

Old easy-rider, goin' nowhere,
starring in his private one-man-show...
I ain't got no bills, final reminders, binding contract-clauses
on my back,
just jacket and pack...

The wife and kids are missing me,
my whereabouts a mystery,
I can hear the sirens moan:
“Pick up the phone, pick up the phone!”
I tried to be a family man,
I really tried to buckle down,
I tried to build that biplane outta boomerangs...

(I ain't got no pillow, undecided
if I sleep or if I stalk all night...)
Breakfast banana in the sunshine,
hey new city! On the road again!
And this time I'll be my own best friend...

I gotta write a new CV
before I start to lose the plot,
before I get too well-known to the local cops.
The autumn leaves begin to fall,
this overcoat is my four walls,
the calling card here says it all:
long live the English Civil War!
'would you kindly move along, sir?'
Oh praise the Lord!!
Track Name: Foolish Pride

Now the hole in your boat is opening wide,
you sew a dream-coat to keep it afloat
with Foolish Pride...

and put all your hope in an old rope;
what a surprise when it comes untied!
Foolish Pride, Foolish Pride!

It's a natural law: when you built on the shore
we're fighting a war against the rising tide:
Foolish Pride!

There's a crack in the core,
put your foot throughout the floor,
close the car door,
thank you, thank you for the ride!
Foolish Pride, Foolish Pride!

it's a landslide,
your building site…

Our God-given right to kill every night
that appetite never be denied,
Foolish Pride!

He recognized in every man's eyes
the slave and the guide;
that's why our Savior cried:
Foolish Pride, Foolish Pride Foolish Pride!

If you think you're so hip, just keep curling your lip,
one foot in the pit, the crack of the whip
as the ship capsized:
Foolish Pride, Foolish Pride, Foolish Pride!

Take my advice while there's still time:
choose a new prize, cheap at the price
of your Foolish Pride!
Track Name: Wednesday Afternoons

Are all women mad or just the ones that I meet?
Yes maybe but she's so sweet,
I can't resist her sparkling smile and finest quality meat.
I know we're on a dead-end street, and for your bloke it's not cool,
but if you're gonna break a golden rule,
you might as well go ahead and break it in style...

We could meet on Wednesday afternoons,
Wednesdays, you should be home soon!
Friends say you're a loony, but I don't really mind!
Leave your son at nursery school, his mummy needs some fun
on Wednesdays...

King Kong and the turtled dove: is it really so wrong
to say you've gone to the swimming pool
and drink from the fountain of love?
When you get home late at night to your dark sitting room,
a secret star is shining bright, and a magical flower is in bloom...

We'll water it on Wednesday afternoons,
Wednesday let's make a little moon-shine,
you drive me crazy one day at a time:
because that's all the gods will allow,
a few hours of adult fun
on Wednesdays...
on Wednesday afternoons underneath the crescent moon!
Track Name: City without Love

Don't you think that many people think, think, think,think, think,
that many people think?
why am I a beggar in my native land?
One finger on the trigger, don't you understand:

we're living in the City,
in the City,
the City without Love,

living in the City,
the inner City,
in the City without Love.

And don't you sometimes wonder if if if if if if
if you are out your mind?
Don't you see the wonderful beauty of the Design?

In the City,
the inner City,
the City without Love?

We build this city,
the inner city,
we built the City without Love...

Am I a dirty dancer in a foreign club?
I think I know the answer, yes? yes? yes? yes? yes? yes?
I think they call it love

in the City,
in the City,
the City without Love.

in the City,
the inner City,
the City without Love.

we built this City,
the inner City,
we built the City without Love,
the City with-out Love.
Track Name: Rockstar (free download)

Rockstar, wooooah!
I'm a Rockstar, wooooah!
High notes, bank notes,
lobster, Florida snow,
coz the mobsters still run the show.

Rockstar, I'm on a roll:
big deals, high heels,
I clock'd ya in the front row,
you're on the roster after the show!

A living legend!
On permanent vacation
and special medication, higher than the sun...

Rockstar, he sold his soul
for the cover of Rolling Stone.
Headlines, white lines,
my doctor, God bless his soul
helicoptered from Mexico!

I'm big in Thailand!
I bought my own asylum,
a castle in the highlands,
an island in the sun...

Rockstar,, well what d'ya know?!
He's a Rockstar?! When's your next show?
Sold out, burnt out,
you lost it 10 years ago,
then they dropped ya coz you're too slow!

Under sedation,
defined a generation,
now you're my private patient,
we're gonna have some fun...

Eat your crumble!
The words are being mumbled,
you've had your final fumble,
you know the kids moved on...

Rockstar! Ho ho ho ho...
A Rockstar! Well what d'ya know?!
Rockstar! We'll let you know...
Rockstar! We'll let you know....
Track Name: When I'm 46

I'll fuck like a rabbit, my last healthy habit,
when I'm 46.

I'll live in a van with a watering can,
making nice sheepskin mitts.

I'll run up the maypole a flag on that fateful
day I'm 46.

How many candles will be on the cake ?
2 times 23 !

This is the final phase of my major-minor impromptu.

Just to put an end to the 7-year itch,
one last spank you haughty little *****
And then I'll stop my naughty tricks
when I'm 46.

2 times 23 ! The crisis is over...
Thanks for your letters ! Till the next crisis !
Midlife crisis midlife crisis...
You're looking great ! You're in good shape !
You are a grown up now ! You are a grown up now !
The end.